Musings

An infinite past leads to paradoxes (e.g., traversing infinite events to reach “now” violates causality). The present should be unreachable if the past is truly infinite. The causal chain leading to “now” is infinitely long so there is no ultimate cause. How can an effect exist if its causal history never “starts”? Therefore a scientist/atheist would have to believe that the Big Bang is an infinitely repeating event that is the ending/beginning of all existence and resets time to a previous state.

Whoever God chose to be his incarnation would have known who he was.

It’s funny I found out who I was on a street named Union Street. Get it? Union with God.

Up until the day of finding out who I was I never gave death much thought.

Right after I discovered who I was, during a walk, I proceeded about another 200 feet in total awe. Then I smiled with joy and continued home.

Would somebody make a movie about my life already? haha

Looking back at the first thirty years of my life, a subtle, persistent sense of something undefined stirred within me. When I finally discovered my true nature as the incarnation of God at age thirty five, it was as if a fog had cleared.

For fourteen years, I thought my connection to all existence was metaphysical. Around two years ago, I began to wonder if I had a physical connection to all existence. I just had to go there, haha. I’m the type of guy who likes to know the truth, especially when it pertains to myself and existential inquiries. For a little while I thought I was connected to all existence through DNA, then I thought it had something to do with my atoms, but deep down I knew this wasn’t true. I had a revelation today. I am metaphysically connected to all existence, not physically. God is the space and my life is His time. I guess I had to go through the doubts to land where I started.

My relationship with God is simple. It’s recognition of and paying homage to the one running the show.

I made a change to the Morals page on this website. I elaborated on why bad exists in this world, in which I wrote, the nature of the infinite universe is neither good nor bad, but both. It is the reason why good and bad exists. The thought of the infinite universe brings me great comfort, but it can also brings me great fear if I dwell on it and allow it to. That’s good and bad right there in a nutshell.

A handful of times in my life I’ve thought about how nobody knows who I really am and how really sad it is for me to not be able to truly share such a blessing. That would just be too risky. But I never dwell on that. I am human after all and have feelings. Thank God I have a strong constitution. Here I am with this amazing gift that God has given me and I can’t really share and celebrate it with humanity and have them believe me. It is a sad story, but like I said, I’m a strong man with much to be grateful for. I thought I’d get that off my chest. I’m also wise enough to know that it’s safer to have people not believe me. I also know that people won’t believe me so that’s why I share it.

I have absolutely NOTHING to gain from thinking that I am the incarnation of God. I don’t think it because it makes me feel better and helps me get through life. I don’t think it because I think I’m better than anyone else. I don’t think it to give me purpose or significance. Hell, I don’t even think it to give me hope in an afterlife. I don’t think it so people will believe me. Actually, it’s a secret in my life for the most part other than the internet. This thought hasn’t caused me distress or harm in sixteen years as I have quietly and humbly accepted it. Sixteen years ago I started to ask my myself how all existence came to be and my answer came rather quickly. I never once questioned the answer I got. I would easily and happily accept dying without anything happening but that’s just not the case. I’m a very levelheaded man and I would absolutely not entertain this if it weren’t true. ABSOLUTELY NOT. No way, no how.

You see God is all about what is the most unbelievable. Many people think that there’s more planets and universes out there. But let me ask you something. Wouldn’t it be more unbelievable to think that we are the only planet in the only universe? Of course it would. This is the nature of God. This is what makes Him so awesome. God isn’t the believable. Another unbelievable realization is that the cycle of God is exactly the same each time. Even more unbelievable is that past cycles never happened. The power of God (the infinite physical universe), right now is all there is. As a man I can recognize cycles, but God does not. The power of His infinite physical nature is, at this moment, all there will ever be. Know what I mean jellybean?

I think twice in my life, I put myself in humanities shoes regarding what they would think about me if they knew that it was me and God who ensures their eternal life and it was a pleasant thought. I thought others would think that I was an incredible miracle and gift. Other than that I don’t sit around and think I’m God’s gift to humanity. Absolutely not. My life is simply what it is.

In June I made the difficult decision to move back home next spring away from my only family. I’ve been in Chicago eight years and that’s enough for me. The first seven years were great but this last year I started missing the mountains back home. When I pull out of here, maybe I’ll play the song Jesus just left Chicago by ZZ Top. No, I won’t do that haha. Anyway, it dawned on me that I will be moving in 2026 and if I die in 2033, that will be seven years. I chuckled about the “seven year tribulation” because I’m going to be away from my only family. I’m sure I’ll be OK haha.

If I had to guess when I appeared on earth, I'd have to say around May 18, 1980 when Mount Saint Helens erupted. Other notable events in May of 1980 were the release of Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back on May 21, Pac-Man on May 22, and The Shining on May 23. For some reason I'm being pulled towards May 22. As far as dying goes, I’m being drawn to the season of fall, pun intended. I’m thinking October, sometime just before Halloween. If I have to pick a year, unfortunately, it would be around 2033 as I have abused my body. Three and a half years ago I quit smoking cigarettes and laid off the sugar. Another reason I picked 2033 is because Jesus died around the age of thirty three and God‘s humor is known to me. I really hope I live a lot longer than that though, as I really enjoy living this life.

When I was around 10-12 years old, I built a huge treehouse with a big old deck, with lumber from my grandfather’s junkyard. It had a ramp that I could drive my 80 cc motorcycle up. Fun time.

My parents got married on December 20, 1973, and I was born on December 20, 1974.

The Godfather II was released on the day I was “born”, and the Roman numeral II succeeds my surname haha.

You might think self-counsel is needed to handle being who I am, but it’s not, since I’m the only one with this awareness flowing through me. I can’t compare notes with anyone, so in the end, it’s just self-confidence. Know what I mean, jellybean?

When one first learns that they’re responsible for all existence, they’re bound to have a few strange thoughts. Thankfully, they were short-lived and I was wise enough to recognize that they were nonsense. I’m glad I found out my true nature later in life, at 35, because discovering it at a younger age might have been difficult.

My heritage is Irish, English, Polish, Portuguese, French, German, and Native American.

One year for a downtown art celebration I built a desk, chair, easel/display stand, double-sided art bin, and a small easel for children out of recycled wood. I painted it all white. The desk had built in business card holders and a money tray. The easel/display stand stood about 7 feet tall and had a sign that read sketches at the top. Two double-sided paintings on paper, enclosed in glass and framed hung from the ease/display stand. Three double-sided paintings on paper enclosed in glass and framed, also hung from the desk. The double-sided art bin held about fifteen to twenty paintings on paper on each side. Each painting in the double-sided bin was 22”x22” and supported on cardboard. The small easel was about three and a half feet tall, intended for children to draw something with markers. It was a fun time.

If you’ve never gone out dancing, I highly suggest you do so. I used to go twenty years ago. My favorite music to dance to was live drumming groups. I also enjoyed outside gatherings. I went to one rave, which was intense. What a time.

I have to say, being me is fun. One ought to know who one is in this life.

The pros and cons of my life.
Pros:
• The opportunity to experience all that life has to offer.
• The simple fact to be me is a great honor.
• My death will likely occur long before the world runs out of oil, an event that could cause suffering for billions.
Cons:
• A past for many that never really happened but has left scars, both physical and emotional.
• Many lives will be cut short upon my death.
• The multitude of spiritually misguided people and nations.
• The existence of suffering in the world.
• The fact that I can never be known by the masses, as that would be too risky.